By Chris Simon
As Told to Chris Snow
I want to leave the game as a respected player. I think I am that, to coaches who coached me, and managers who managed me, and players who played with me. But I know that's going to take time to build back with the fans. And I know now, this is it. Anything else happens, I’m done. I know that.
I have played almost 800 games in 16 seasons. I have played in three Stanley Cup Finals, winning one, in Colorado. I have scored goals, 144 of them. One year I scored 29. And I've piled up a lot of penalty minutes, more than 1,800. I have been suspended eight times. The last two were long; 25 games for putting a stick to the face of a Rangers player, Ryan Hollweg. And 30 games this year for stepping on the skate of a Penguins player, Jarkko Ruutu. I am 36, with a wife and four children (ages 13, 6, 5 and 3).
And I keep playing. I want to keep playing, not only for the rest of this season but beyond. Someone asked me yesterday: Why keep playing?
I think it's because I love hockey. I love the friendships. I love the idea of having teammates. I love going to the rink. I love the competitive nature, and how hockey is about the team. Even if a guy plays 5-6 minutes, you need him. You're important no matter how much you play. And you need to give your best for the team to be successful.
That's why I was really happy to be traded to the Wild. It put a big smile on my face to hear that somebody that’s looking to challenge for the Stanley Cup would want me. I had always heard great things about the organization. I follow all of the teams and their style of play. I saw this team and its approach: skill players, but also, big physical players.
And, when I met with Jacques, it was a great thing, the way he explained my role. We had a meeting, and he said: "You're a hockey player first. You've scored goals in the past. I want you to play smart, physical. None of the other bull that has nothing to do with the game. If someone wants you to fight, you fight. You stand up for your teammates. No yapping."
That’s what in the past got me into trouble, the antagonizing, the verbalizing.
Once, during a game, I called Mike Grier a word I should never have used. I crossed the line. As soon as I said it, I knew I made a big mistake. Of anything I've ever done, that's the one that will stay with me always, the one that bothers me. It still does.
I apologized. He accepted my apology. And later, we were teammates in Washington. But, it's something that doesn't leave me.
I have heard those kinds of words in my own life. My Dad is Native Canadian, 100% Ojibwe. My Mom is Anglo Canadian.
Teams I have played for have wanted to give publicity to the good things I do. But I didn't want to. I know I've done good things in my lifetime. That helps me get through the adversity. If I was a bad person and didn't respect myself, I would have retired and run away.
The one thing I will talk about is the Native hockey schools. I do a lot of them. I go to places a lot of people won't go, remote reservations in northern Ontario and Quebec where there are only two ways in: fly, or take a winter road. You have to drive on the ice. In the summertime, you can't get in.
When I was suspended this year I went to visit children at a young offenders prison in Winnipeg. I think 80 percent of the kids in there are Native. I spoke to two groups, boys and girls. I told them my life story. I told them, sometimes you need to get help. I told them how Ted Nolan, my coach in junior, helped me when I had trouble with alcohol in junior hockey.
It was hard to leave those kids. When I was leaving, I got interviewed, and it was a funny thing. The writer wanted to know how much we talked about hockey. I don’t think we spent two minutes on hockey. It was about life. The kids were really good. I was really impressed with how interested they were and the questions they asked.
Some questions people ask me, it's hard to explain. Like: Why did I do what I did to get those suspensions?
Before I hit Hollweg with that stick he ran me into the glass. In that instant I didn't even know who hit me. I knew I'd gotten hit hard, and, instinctually, I knew if I got hit hard again, I was going to get knocked out. I just knew I couldn't get hit again. And I used my stick. That was my mistake. And it was a big mistake.
The day I stepped on Ruutu's skate, I knew exactly what I was doing. Since I was young, I never liked to see anybody picked on. I never liked to see that. I wanted to protect people I cared for. I have to stand up for my teammates against players like him. But I did it the wrong way. Next time, I will do it differently. Or, there won't be another next time for me.
I just hope for a fair chance to prove to you that I can play hard within the rules and stand up for my teammates and myself. I do know I have to play a physical game, but within the rules.
I would like to keep going in this game. I want a last chance. To prove I can play within the rules of the game. To prove that I’ve done a lot of good things in my life, opposed to a few bad things. I want to be respected. But I have to earn respect. That’s what I’m prepared to do.
As Told to Chris Snow
I want to leave the game as a respected player. I think I am that, to coaches who coached me, and managers who managed me, and players who played with me. But I know that's going to take time to build back with the fans. And I know now, this is it. Anything else happens, I’m done. I know that.
I have played almost 800 games in 16 seasons. I have played in three Stanley Cup Finals, winning one, in Colorado. I have scored goals, 144 of them. One year I scored 29. And I've piled up a lot of penalty minutes, more than 1,800. I have been suspended eight times. The last two were long; 25 games for putting a stick to the face of a Rangers player, Ryan Hollweg. And 30 games this year for stepping on the skate of a Penguins player, Jarkko Ruutu. I am 36, with a wife and four children (ages 13, 6, 5 and 3).
And I keep playing. I want to keep playing, not only for the rest of this season but beyond. Someone asked me yesterday: Why keep playing?
I think it's because I love hockey. I love the friendships. I love the idea of having teammates. I love going to the rink. I love the competitive nature, and how hockey is about the team. Even if a guy plays 5-6 minutes, you need him. You're important no matter how much you play. And you need to give your best for the team to be successful.
That's why I was really happy to be traded to the Wild. It put a big smile on my face to hear that somebody that’s looking to challenge for the Stanley Cup would want me. I had always heard great things about the organization. I follow all of the teams and their style of play. I saw this team and its approach: skill players, but also, big physical players.
And, when I met with Jacques, it was a great thing, the way he explained my role. We had a meeting, and he said: "You're a hockey player first. You've scored goals in the past. I want you to play smart, physical. None of the other bull that has nothing to do with the game. If someone wants you to fight, you fight. You stand up for your teammates. No yapping."
That’s what in the past got me into trouble, the antagonizing, the verbalizing.
Once, during a game, I called Mike Grier a word I should never have used. I crossed the line. As soon as I said it, I knew I made a big mistake. Of anything I've ever done, that's the one that will stay with me always, the one that bothers me. It still does.
I apologized. He accepted my apology. And later, we were teammates in Washington. But, it's something that doesn't leave me.
I have heard those kinds of words in my own life. My Dad is Native Canadian, 100% Ojibwe. My Mom is Anglo Canadian.
Teams I have played for have wanted to give publicity to the good things I do. But I didn't want to. I know I've done good things in my lifetime. That helps me get through the adversity. If I was a bad person and didn't respect myself, I would have retired and run away.
The one thing I will talk about is the Native hockey schools. I do a lot of them. I go to places a lot of people won't go, remote reservations in northern Ontario and Quebec where there are only two ways in: fly, or take a winter road. You have to drive on the ice. In the summertime, you can't get in.
When I was suspended this year I went to visit children at a young offenders prison in Winnipeg. I think 80 percent of the kids in there are Native. I spoke to two groups, boys and girls. I told them my life story. I told them, sometimes you need to get help. I told them how Ted Nolan, my coach in junior, helped me when I had trouble with alcohol in junior hockey.
It was hard to leave those kids. When I was leaving, I got interviewed, and it was a funny thing. The writer wanted to know how much we talked about hockey. I don’t think we spent two minutes on hockey. It was about life. The kids were really good. I was really impressed with how interested they were and the questions they asked.
Some questions people ask me, it's hard to explain. Like: Why did I do what I did to get those suspensions?
Before I hit Hollweg with that stick he ran me into the glass. In that instant I didn't even know who hit me. I knew I'd gotten hit hard, and, instinctually, I knew if I got hit hard again, I was going to get knocked out. I just knew I couldn't get hit again. And I used my stick. That was my mistake. And it was a big mistake.
The day I stepped on Ruutu's skate, I knew exactly what I was doing. Since I was young, I never liked to see anybody picked on. I never liked to see that. I wanted to protect people I cared for. I have to stand up for my teammates against players like him. But I did it the wrong way. Next time, I will do it differently. Or, there won't be another next time for me.
I just hope for a fair chance to prove to you that I can play hard within the rules and stand up for my teammates and myself. I do know I have to play a physical game, but within the rules.
I would like to keep going in this game. I want a last chance. To prove I can play within the rules of the game. To prove that I’ve done a lot of good things in my life, opposed to a few bad things. I want to be respected. But I have to earn respect. That’s what I’m prepared to do.
